What to Expect as a Foster Parent

4 year old playing at Cascades Park in Tallahassee

About 3 weeks ago, visits stopped with H and his mom. I wasn’t notified by case management. Rather, we dropped him off at daycare with some snacks, assuming he’d be picked up like he had been every other week. 

Later that day, I texted his mom to let her know I sent a game with him for them to play. She said she wasn’t going to be there because she got a new job. It required all day training for 8 weeks. She had told case management on Friday. So, no one was coming to pick H up from daycare. 

Case Management Won’t Notify You of Changes

Apparently no one felt it necessary to alert the foster parents. Who cares if all the kid has to eat for the day is goldfish and gogurt. (Normally he eats lunch in PCB with his mom, so we only pack snacks. We got tired of throwing out $10 worth of spoiled food each week). 

After I’m done panicking over the food situation (daycare assured me they had extra food that he could eat), the text convo with the mom continues. She tells me she got a notice that morning that she had to get a drug test but would miss it (and therefore fail) because the testing center wasn’t open after 5 pm. 

The System Sets Impossible Goals and Blames Others When They Aren’t Met

Now, I’m a skeptic by nature. So I spent my lunch hour looking up every drug testing center in PCB. And she was right – all but one of the testing centers were open from 7am-4pm. 

The one outlier, the one where she was required to go, is open from 8am-12pm, closed for lunch, then re-opens from 1pm-5pm. 

I called 2 case managers, the foster support specialist and an attorney. Then some woman, who (not sure what she does) but has always sounded pretty smart on the phone, happened to call to check in and I unloaded on her. 

Luckily, I was told, “there’s a process”. Well, whew, I feel a LOT better now! 

There’s Only “A Process” When It’s Convenient For Them

Let me tell you what the process is. But first, keep in mind the following: 

Parents who have children removed, for the most part, must do the following as part of their case plan: 

  1. Have a job that pays enough to show they can support themselves and their kids
  2. Get to visitations every week, sometimes multiple times a week (and better not be even a few minutes late)
  3. Stay clean and sober

Which all sounds reasonable, ESPECIALLY if there’s a process in place…right? 

So first, and I pretty much covered this in the last post, but as a recap, I still don’t understand where people are finding these good jobs if they have to leave for 2-4 hours in the middle of the day every week, but that aside…

The process, as was explained to me, is as follows:

The offending parent receives a call recording* telling them they have 24 hours to get a drug test. Apparently on this recording it tells them where they have to go to get the test.

If that center isn’t open at a time that works with their work and visitation schedule, they must call their case manager, then the case manager can help arrange for an alternate time that works with their schedule. 

The Advice You Are Given is Unrealistic & Unusable

I was also told from case management that I should relay to the mother that “honesty is the best policy and she should just tell her boss when she is hired that she has pending criminal charges and may be subject to random drug tests so she may, randomly, be late to work or have to leave early.”

Not to be a basic b* here but I LITERALLY CANT EVEN! THAT IS YOUR ACTUAL ADVICE?! Does that work on the planet you are from?! 

And then, If I just set that to the side for a minute….

HAH effing HAH! 

You are telling me that people working in the foster care system are respectful of deadlines and time sensitive issues?! 

The offending parent basically has 12 hours to get in touch with case management to set up an alternative time. 

There have been multiple times I had to wait more than 48 hours to get a call back from a case manager, and she’s a good one… and that was just for a call back, not even a resolution. 

Even When You Follow Their Process, You Could Die Waiting On Implementation

To put this in perspective, I have been working through the process of getting my foster kid an appointment with an eye specialist… since JANUARY.

4 year old foster child playing at Cascades Park in Tallahassee while a foster parent looks on.

Did you know there is also a process for a child’s therapist to provide progress reports to case management? But that also hasn’t been happening. 

And apparently there is no process for informing foster parents of the whereabouts of the child in their care. 

Instead you’ll just get a call from some transportation driver, who decided the best way to keep her car clean is to not allow the children to drink in it (on a 6 hour round trip road trip) who will ask you where you are because she has your kid and can you please come meet her right now. 

“So sorry to waste your time ma’am.”

Maybe we should establish a process…

*apparently the call-in process is so difficult some company created an app to make the state’s system actually usable for the offender. Of course, it costs money (that they likely don’t have and/or should be saving for basic necessities…but I digress)

2 thoughts on “What to Expect as a Foster Parent”

  1. The very program that is supposed to help families is by their inefficiency and lack of common sense destroying them!! Terrible…the more I talk to people about the system the more horror stories I hear. Thanks to you and Thomas for sticking by your scared, and sometimes angry little boy.

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