Tag Archives: npc bikini competitor

My Miss Columbia Moment

I am an American. And in true American fashion, I love a story with a happy ending. Those movies that just sort of fade to black without any clear wrap up, or even worse, when the main character dies – you can have it.

So as a good American, I would love nothing more to end this part of my journey on a positive note. But I can’t. 

My greatest physical accomplishment to date was diminished this past weekend at the NPC sanctioned Jax Physique competition. The judges announced that I was the winner of my class. Then, they realized they made an error and “took it back” about 5 minutes after I walked off stage. 

I know it’s in poor taste to complain after you lose, but it sucked. 

I could have handled losing. I can handle winning and I tried to handle my “Miss Columbia moment” as graciously as possible. But it doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m sad and mad and angry at what happened and I’m sad and mad and angry at myself for letting it effect me at all. 

What An NPC Bikini Competition is Really Like

To be blunt, the experience sucked. This was supposed to be the cherry on top of an incredible accomplishment. It turned into an embarrassing, upsetting, demoralizing letdown. 

Leading up to this competition, I was so afraid of being the “fat girl”. Because I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me, thinking “oh she lost a few pounds and now thinks she looks good enough to strut around in a bikini”. 

I can tell you, being awarded a trophy, only to have it taken away without a real explanation or apology or anything other than “you didn’t really win, please give it back” is equally as humiliating. 

So, in the spirit of public humiliation, here are some pictures taken of my “fake win”. I don’t feel it’s appropriate to post them anywhere else but here. 

P.S. If Adele is looking for new material, I’ve got some she can use. 

Do you smell that? What You Eat on NPC Prep

When I was growing up, my parents had a garden. They grew carrots, lettuce, peas and tomatoes. They also grew chives.

For those of you who don’t know what chives are, they’re like a green onion and when they bloom, a pretty puffy purple flower appears on the top of the stalk.

My little sister loved chives. She used to go out to the garden and pluck the flowers and eat them. A spicy-with-a-hint-of-sweet treat. This wasn’t really a problem – it’s not like you can O.D. on chives. Except for one minor detail…

My sister and I shared a bedroom. A very tiny bedroom, with bunk beds. In the summer, it would get hot. When it would get hot, my sister would start to sweat (in all fairness, I’m sure I did too). But my sister, she ate so many of those puffy purple chive flowers, that when she would sweat, it would SMELL like chives.

My mom would come into our room in the morning, throw open the window and tell me “don’t let your sister eat any chives today! You could ward off a vampire with that smell!”

Being the perfect oldest (tattletale) sister, I would abide – ratting her and her chives habit out – “mommmmmm, she’s in the garden againnnnnn”.

So why do I share this seemingly pointless story?

For two weeks, three meals a day, I’ve eaten fish. Fish stinks. I’ve eaten so much of it, I’m worried I’ll start to smell like a fish. I don’t think this is an unreasonable fear – considering my personal experience with the chives. I’ve also heard of people who eat a lot of carrots and their skin turns orange – like an Oompa Loompa or a Jersey Shore spray tan.

So now I’m hungry, tired and have a semi-rational fear of smelling like a fish. “Can people smell it in my hair? On my breath? Is it oozing out of my pores?”

Just what every woman wants.

19 days to go.

Smell ya later.

Cutting Carbs For NPC Prep

So it finally happened. I stopped losing weight and inches. Which translates to “bye carbs” because I am still waiting on abs to appear in time for my first NPC Bikini Competition.

I could tell you it’s totally fine and I’m totally fine and it’s awesome and I’m handling it like a champ. But that would be a LIE.

It sucks. I didn’t even realize how beneficial the very small, very pure, amount of carbs I was eating was…until they were gone.

It’s not so much that I feel hungry. I just feel empty. And weak. And like I need to eat at least my body weight in cheezits. Or goldfish. Or white cheddar cheese puffs. Or Doritos (are you sensing a trend here, people?).

Forget 24 days to go.

96 more meals to go.

48 portions of fish to go.

72 servings of spinach to go.

144 more eggs to go…but only the whites.

And then I’m indulging in a cheese-flavored-chip-and-cracker buffet. I want a bowl of each. And not like a cereal sized bowl. A popcorn sized bowl. OF EACH.

I can’t wait (except I can and I will because I am not going to blow all this effort with only 24 days to go).

✌🏻❤️ 🧀