Tag Archives: npc

What’s Next? Life after an NPC Bikini Competition

It’s been two weeks since I competed in the Jax Physique competition. Also known as my Miss Columbia Moment. Also known as the 4th worst day of my life. 

I’ve had a lot of time to process almost every negative emotion: sadness, anger, depression, rage, frustration, fuck-it-maybe-my-dad-was-right (does that count as an emotion?). 

But mostly I’ve had this overwhelming feeling of “what’s next?”

Right now, it’s not another competition. 

I’ve done the triathlon thing, long distance running, soccer, swimming, even adult league kickball. And while they all have their merits, I don’t get the same feeling of excitement and passion as I do when I lift.

So the bottom line is – I don’t have a competition plan. And it stresses me out because I have plans, and then I have backup plans and then I have backup plans for those plans. 

But I do have goals:

I’m working on rock hard abs by July (so back on that low carb diet…after Austin). 

I’m looking into getting my personal training certification. 

I’m experimenting with more recipes and trying to master IIFYM

And I’m going to run a 10K in June

So I’ll keep lifting. I’ll keep blogging. And I’ll keep exploring to figure out what my next big challenge will be. 

So stay tuned! 

My Miss Columbia Moment

I am an American. And in true American fashion, I love a story with a happy ending. Those movies that just sort of fade to black without any clear wrap up, or even worse, when the main character dies – you can have it.

So as a good American, I would love nothing more to end this part of my journey on a positive note. But I can’t. 

My greatest physical accomplishment to date was diminished this past weekend at the NPC sanctioned Jax Physique competition. The judges announced that I was the winner of my class. Then, they realized they made an error and “took it back” about 5 minutes after I walked off stage. 

I know it’s in poor taste to complain after you lose, but it sucked. 

I could have handled losing. I can handle winning and I tried to handle my “Miss Columbia moment” as graciously as possible. But it doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m sad and mad and angry at what happened and I’m sad and mad and angry at myself for letting it effect me at all. 

What An NPC Bikini Competition is Really Like

To be blunt, the experience sucked. This was supposed to be the cherry on top of an incredible accomplishment. It turned into an embarrassing, upsetting, demoralizing letdown. 

Leading up to this competition, I was so afraid of being the “fat girl”. Because I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me, thinking “oh she lost a few pounds and now thinks she looks good enough to strut around in a bikini”. 

I can tell you, being awarded a trophy, only to have it taken away without a real explanation or apology or anything other than “you didn’t really win, please give it back” is equally as humiliating. 

So, in the spirit of public humiliation, here are some pictures taken of my “fake win”. I don’t feel it’s appropriate to post them anywhere else but here. 

P.S. If Adele is looking for new material, I’ve got some she can use. 

I Am Ready For My First NPC Bikini Competition

Plan. Practice. Dominate.
Plan. Practice. Dominate.

I am ready.

Last week, I wasn’t. I was kind of a mess, actually. Stressed, nervous, comparing myself to everyone on Instagram. Worried my abs wouldn’t show up and that I’d be the “fat girl” on stage. 

And I might be. But I can’t control that. 

What I can control is me. And what I know is, I have put in the work. 365 days of work. 

I was told by 3 different doctors that I would “never be thin” but I am now. 

Over the years, I have had dozens of people say to me in surprise, “oh, you’re an athlete?”. Well now I look it – I don’t have to say it. 

I didn’t miss a single workout during prep. Not one. 

I stuck to my diet. In spite of birthdays and office parties and holidays and hormones (yes, I’m over sharing – some weeks are a LOT harder than others to say “no” to chocolate). 

I have built a willpower stronger than anything I’ve thought was ever possible. 

Do I want to win? Hell ya, I’m competitive AF. And maybe I’ll deserve it, maybe I won’t. There will be a lot of girls on Saturday who busted their asses, just like me. 

But either way, I’m not going to stress this week. Because I’ve put in the work. I’ve done everything in my control to be the best I can be. To be as prepared as I can be. And I am ready. 

I even created a run of show. Because that’s how I roll. 

Nerd at heart…but nerds. get. shit. done. 



(GET IT?! #micdrop)