Tag Archives: npc

1 Week Out from NPC Bikini Contest


I’m torn between “holy shit, I wish I had three more months” and “holy shit, I cannot wait to eat something besides chicken, fish and spinach“.

I can definitely feel the effects of eating low carb during this NPC Bikini prep. Long term, this is not a sustainable diet for me. My energy levels are rock bottom. 

The plus side is that I give zero f***s about 90% of the things going on around me, which is probably the first time in my life. 

You want to cut me off during my morning commute? Don’t care. 

You want to show up 10 minutes late to a meeting you called with no prepared agenda? Whatever.

Basically all of my energy is spent standing upright, so I have nothing left for any bullshit. I feel like I’m living in someone else’s body. Not only because my body doesn’t LOOK like my body, but also because normally I am SUPER passionate about basically every little thing there is to be passionate about. This includes (but is not limited to) a proper way to put spoons in the dishwasher. However, with this mood altering low carb diet, it’s like I get to try out being someone else. 

I bet my blood pressure levels are great right now. 

.Except when I remember I’ll be on stage in 7 days. Then a lightening bolt of fear strikes through my body. The hairs on my arm stand up and I think “probably should have gotten laser hair removal there too”. 

But since I don’t have the energy to care, I don’t. 

Do you smell that? What You Eat on NPC Prep

When I was growing up, my parents had a garden. They grew carrots, lettuce, peas and tomatoes. They also grew chives.

For those of you who don’t know what chives are, they’re like a green onion and when they bloom, a pretty puffy purple flower appears on the top of the stalk.

My little sister loved chives. She used to go out to the garden and pluck the flowers and eat them. A spicy-with-a-hint-of-sweet treat. This wasn’t really a problem – it’s not like you can O.D. on chives. Except for one minor detail…

My sister and I shared a bedroom. A very tiny bedroom, with bunk beds. In the summer, it would get hot. When it would get hot, my sister would start to sweat (in all fairness, I’m sure I did too). But my sister, she ate so many of those puffy purple chive flowers, that when she would sweat, it would SMELL like chives.

My mom would come into our room in the morning, throw open the window and tell me “don’t let your sister eat any chives today! You could ward off a vampire with that smell!”

Being the perfect oldest (tattletale) sister, I would abide – ratting her and her chives habit out – “mommmmmm, she’s in the garden againnnnnn”.

So why do I share this seemingly pointless story?

For two weeks, three meals a day, I’ve eaten fish. Fish stinks. I’ve eaten so much of it, I’m worried I’ll start to smell like a fish. I don’t think this is an unreasonable fear – considering my personal experience with the chives. I’ve also heard of people who eat a lot of carrots and their skin turns orange – like an Oompa Loompa or a Jersey Shore spray tan.

So now I’m hungry, tired and have a semi-rational fear of smelling like a fish. “Can people smell it in my hair? On my breath? Is it oozing out of my pores?”

Just what every woman wants.

19 days to go.

Smell ya later.

How Much Sleep Do You REALLY Need?

For top performance, sleep is required because it's needed for healthy brain function.
I need more sleep

I need sleep. I’m exhausted. I keep seeing all these posts about people getting sick and having to take a week off. It’s making me paranoid. But I still can’t seem to get everything I want to get done in just 16 hours (or 17 or 18).

On Thursday, I went to see Beauty & the Beast, which was amazing, by the way. Despite this, I fell asleep for at least 5 minutes at some point and kind of did that old-man-in-church-head-bob thing. Then, I dug these Listerine strips out of my purse. I kept eating them because they’re MINTY FRESH and they “shocked” me awake.

Now, it’s Monday. A new week, a new (more rested) me. My goal this week, more than anything else, is to get enough shut eye. I only have 40 (yes, FORTY) days to pull everything together. So, I cannot afford to spend a week of that recovering from a cold.

I wish this post was more hilarious but priorities, people. I’m off to sleep for at least 9 hours.

Will try to post mid-week with a “what I’m eating” meal plan since I’ve received a lot of questions about that.

Peace out ✌🏻and sweet dreams 😴